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New Year, Same Me

Updated: Aug 9, 2022

I always found it ironic that every time January comes around, all you hear about is what people are going to change about themselves. The stereotype and the reality is that most resolutions fall by the wayside around February. I went to the gym in my apartment complex and was instantly enraged that all the treadmills were in use; not to mention that most people using them were barely walking above 3.0 mph. Really people? But then I remembered…oh yeah, the new years resolution crowd. That got me thinking…why are we focusing on changing ourselves?

I do believe that everyone can improve in any area of their life if they truly desire the improvement. But I also feel that most New Years resolutions are made for show — does that girl really want to change her body…or does she want to be a size 2 so she looks like that girl on the cover of Marie Claire? And as patterns go…the New Years resolutions become less and less important as the year goes on. I asked myself… Why is who we are so bad?

Every year we want to do something different…but why do we focus on being someone different? The resolutions fail…and we are ourselves…why is that bad? Why can’t the focus be on accepting something about ourselves to let happiness be something obtainable?

I started seeing someone new right before Christmas…and my tendency to overthink and overanalyze things have never been stronger…I fear messing up something that feels like the first real, mature relationship I have had. Turns out there are a lot of things I have been suppressing about myself or apologizing for that this person thinks are great parts of me. I have to constantly remind myself of this because I am so used to thinking I have to always be doing something differently. I don’t. I only have to be me…and that is enough. Focusing on that sentence brings me close to tears. I have often struggled with acceptance of myself by me and by others…to have found that I needn’t have bothered has been liberating and terrifying.

This year, I have been re-discovering things about myself that have always been there, but that I have packed away, discounting their worth. Instead of resolving to change, I’m resolving to embrace all I am. I am a strong, smart woman. I shouldn’t try to dumb down my intellect so I can get more dates or blend in with the crowd at meetings. I have a passion for reading and I shouldn’t let others disinterest in my passion cause me to let those things slide. I love to run…to feel the burn in my legs as I push myself to the next level. Why did I stop?

It is hard to truly pinpoint the time where I started letting myself settle. But it won’t be this year. How is that for a resolution?

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