Eye of the Beholder
This was my first experience being set up with a date. The goal was to be able to take him to my high school sophomore dance. We lived really close to each other, never met, but chatted online (R.I.P AIM) and chatted on the phone almost constantly.
I worked up the nerve to ask him to accompany me to this dance. All of a sudden, he didn’t want anything to do with me. I had a gorgeous red dress and was once again a loner. I didn’t understand and I was hurt.
Fast forward three years and I got the reason.
We connected on Facebook my first year of college and he saw some of my pictures. He told me that I was really hot and he regrets not agreeing to meet up with me. He further revealed that the reason he declined the dance was because his friend (who was dating my friend who set us up) told him that I was ugly. Hmm…jokes on him, don’t always trust your friends’ assessments!
Everyone has different tastes…but I’m fabulous.
A Digital Hit and Quit
I met up with some of my old team at a work happy hour. It was great seeing the old crew again. I did not anticipate how the night ended. One co-worker, who I have had rarely any interaction with, slipped into my DM’s before we parted ways for the evening. This conversation of ours lasted for hours after I went home and it was probably the hottest conversation I had ever had.
We haven’t talked since. I kind of like it that way. Una noche.
Limp Guinness
Know what is really not a good first impression? Well, many things. Bad grooming…a bad kisser…and a limp dick. At least this guy fully admitted he drank too much. But it really didn’t do much for me…obviously. It wasn’t for lack of trying. He kept trying over and over (long after I gave up caring if it ever came up). Even more alarming is that he wanted to do it again. Really? Do what again exactly? Breathe horrible stank breath all over me? Be a sloppy drunk? Because I know he will not get another chance with me. This spinster is not that desperate.
Bony Accordion
It had been about a year that I was single and I finally thought I was ready to start putting myself out there. I was attending an Oktoberfest celebration at a restaurant with live music. My friend and I were having a blast! Good food, flowing drinks, and one too many shot-skis.
Whilst floating around in my alcohol infused bubble, I decided to approach the accordion player. He was tall, dark and handsome (more so from afar as I would later learn). The drummer in his band was a bit too handsy but my friend and I decided to go with them to a pub across the street after they were done playing. The band manager, a silent wallflower type, also came along.
Didn’t take long at the restaurant before my friend and I were kinda over being there. The accordion player came with us in the Uber home and he came to my house. He definitely was inclined to stay the night, which he did…but it is not what you think, reader. He took off his traditional German garb and I saw he was wearing a very baggy pair of gray briefs. Strike one. Then he came over to me and (in a way I am sure he thought was seductive) showed me his moves which were completely awkward given how bony his shoulders were. Strike Two. Up close I could see how much makeup he had on from performing and how dumb his sideburns looked. Strike Three.
I let him spend the night but nothing went any further than that. The band manager came and picked him up the next morning like a good dad would.
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